Ladies, your captivating power is an inherent quality that permeates every aspect of your being. I encourage you to recognize and harness this power judiciously to nurture your personal growth and happiness.
Dark Chocolate Man
Recently, I engaged in a spirited conversation with one of my female friends and she shared her perspective on dealing with certain men who exhibit excessive ‘male ego’. She discussed how she consciously embraces her feminine qualities to skillfully navigate her interactions with the male specie. During times of conflict, instead of engaging in confrontations, she adeptly utilizes her feminine persona to diffuse negative energy and ego in some men who may attempt to objectify her. She emphasized that assuming a submissive posture with certain men leads to greater receptiveness and increased respect from these men.
It's worth noting that many believe a woman's influence over a man can be maximized when she chooses to be submissive, highlighting that submission isn't necessarily a negative trait, in most instances produces positive outcomes.
Black Pearl – Miss Jamaica World 2023
Reality of Relationships
Certainly, control and stability in any relationship are ideally attained through collaboration and mutual understanding, where each individual's strengths and abilities are harnessed to enhance the overall well-being of both the individual and the partnership. It's essential to acknowledge that personal empowerment should never be contingent on another person's approval or validation.
The global landscape has been undergoing significant changes, affecting the dynamics between men and women within relationships, especially since the emergence of the feminist movement. Regrettably, the term "submission" has acquired a negative connotation, with some feminists criticizing those who advocate for a woman to be submissive to a man. It’s important to emphasize that this should ultimately be a personal choice.
The evolving power dynamics between men and women in relationships have, unfortunately, led to a rise in feelings of depression and loneliness for many. This is a profoundly intricate issue, yet one of great importance, as the quality of relationships between men and women directly influences the well-being of the human race.
Throughout history and within certain interpretations of religious texts, dominant roles for men have been emphasized, particularly in patriarchal societies. However, it's essential to recognize that the discussion surrounding gender roles is multifaceted and often contentious; therefore, this discussion should be approached with much emotional intelligence and intellectual caution.
Submission/Submissive: Bad Words?
The words "submission" and "submissive" are currently at risk of disappearing from the English language, as their meanings and usage have progressively gained negative connotations are viewed by many. The denotative meaning of "submission" signifies the act of accepting or yielding to a superior force or the will of another person, while "submissive" characterizes an individual willing to conform to the authority or will of others, often in a meekly obedient or passive manner (www.dictionary.com). These terms have acquired negative connotations and are viewed unfavorably by many.
Upon investigating this topic more deeply, my own research has allowed me to comprehend and even appreciate why some individuals might respond negatively to these terms. Additionally, the words "obedient" and "passive" frequently elicit discomfort and aversion in many people.
Recently, I watched a traditional wedding video in which the bride hesitated when repeating certain words in her vows, such as "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey." The subsequent comments on this video underscored the diverse range of opinions and emotions surrounding this very vexing issue:
“I hope she’s not joking…. We don’t live in the 1800s anymore we don’t need to “obey” a man gtfo.”
“She’ll never respect him smh. You can’t lead a woman who won’t follow.”
“And some ppl wonder why black women are less liklely to get married…”
“Y’all blaming her?? Obey your husband? Is she a dog or a child? I’m confused!!! Y’all the ones trippin.”
“The days of obeying are well over. We respect those who respect us. I don’t see how obeying has anything at all to do with marriage. Is he about to be my husband or my owner?”
“They want a traditional man but won’t be a traditional woman…. then talk about equality.”
“Obey? Is he her father or something? Children obey. She’s a grown woman lol.”
It's disheartening to observe the heightened aggression and the offensive comments expressed by individuals on both sides of this issue. The mere idea of submission makes women erect almost impenetrable barriers and boundaries. I believe that women can re-package submission in femininity in order to shape and optimize their relationships with men.
Women and Power
The allure of a woman holds incredible power and captivation for a man. Most men find themselves irresistibly drawn to both the character and physical beauty of a woman. It's as if in His infinite wisdom, God devoted considerable time and energy to create this magnificent being. With remarkable precision, he fashioned her to be the most exquisitely beautiful living creature on earth, women have power, lots of power.
In addition to their physical beauty, God endowed women with dynamic emotional intelligence. Women embody duality. They can choose to be hard. They can choose to be soft. They have power.
Women are also constantly hunted by men, which effectively grants them the power to choose the relationships they desire. As a result, women often hold the reins in many relationships. Women are the gatekeepers of the intensity of a relationship.
Furthermore, a woman has the power to select her position in the dating or relationship landscape, enabling her to select the kind of partner she wishes to attract. Women also possess the authority to determine whether they want to distinguish themselves in the relationship marketplace through their personality and or physical attractiveness.
Nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife (www.thejimenezlawfirm.com), which underscores the power that women have over their relationships. Women take a stance in many contexts. Women have the power, social position and inherent capacity to shape their relationships.
Masculine Males
The Masculine Man
There's no denying that many alpha males view their primary roles as the 'provider and protector' of their families. A woman with a masculine partner can greatly benefit from allowing him to assume this leadership role. As my friend astutely reminded me, "A man values care and respect just as much as, if not more than, submissiveness. Many men flourish with a strong, stable, and supportive woman."
As a father to my four (4) cherished daughters, affectionately known as my "Black Pearls," I am unwavering in my commitment as an advocate for women's rights. I firmly believe in ensuring that they have every opportunity to pursue and realize their dreams. The empowerment and support of women are not only in their best interest but also in the interest of all men. Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to actively participate in the ongoing battle for women's rights with genuine and persistent dedication, extending our efforts into our homes, workplaces, and the broader society.
Thankfully, the feminist movement has played a pivotal role in empowering women, resulting in a significant increase in female participation in education and their subsequent attainment of influential positions in the workplace. While the passion of the feminist struggle may seem intense, it's crucial to recognize the immense importance of the issues at hand.
A truly masculine man should never feel threatened by women who aspire to achieve equity and equality. Instead, he should leverage his stature and position to bolster this cause, recognizing that when women thrive, society as a whole benefits.
We want women to be empowered but women need to also understand that their softness, their kindness and their warmth are another side of submission that can serve them well. This side of submission places men in their true energy – protector and provider. Through this, women can create the satisfaction that they desire.
Provider and Protector
Dr. DF Perspectives
I gave careful consideration before crafting this article. Acknowledging the sensitivity of the topic and its potential to evoke strong emotions in many, I initially hesitated to share my thoughts. However, I've come to believe that my readers can derive significant value from this discussion and provide insightful feedback, as this is an avenue for growth through healthy respectful discussions. Below, I offer my personal perspectives on what I think many men desire in their relationships:
Men need respect – Respect elevates a man's status and makes him feel important among his peers and others. It allows him to feel recognized and acknowledged for what he means to his woman. A woman that elevates her man, will gain a significant Return on Respect (ROR) from him.
Men need to provide and protect – It is essential to allow a masculine man the opportunity to be a 'provider and protector' for his family. These men will put in long hours and hard work to ensure that their families are well provided for. However, it's worth noting that sometimes their commitment to being providers can limit the time they spend with their families. Hence, requires support from the woman and the rest of the family.
Men need appreciation – Appreciation is the motivation that propels a man to strive for excellence. It's crucial not to spend excessive time criticizing and complaining about the 10% of things he may not do perfectly while overlooking the 90% of good things he consistently delivers. Extend grace and gratitude to him.
Men need help with their vulnerabilities – Most men have fragile egos that can be easily bruised. Don’t use harsh words to attack him where he is weakest and when he is down. The best policy is always to accentuate his strengths and support him if you can, to eliminate his weaknesses. Understand that there is a time and place for everything.
Men need sincere emotions – Most men offer authentic, idealistic love to their partner. They desire a love that isn't opportunistic or based on a "give and take" dynamic. They need the support and care of a strong partner as they pursue their dreams and aspirations.
Men need communication – Men generally dislike being with a woman who is constantly unhappy, aggressive, or verbally abusive. They prefer a woman who is a good listener, non-judgmental, and values communication. Effective communication is essential in maintaining a healthy and harmonious relationship.
Men need a submissive woman – This might sound old-fashioned, but some men still hold traditional and patriarchal views when it comes to family dynamics. They still subscribe to Ephesians 5:22-33 (www.bibible.com) declares that “wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord.” Men be aware that Ephesians 5:22-29 declares "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ love the church...".
Conclusions
An efficient and thriving society relies on the valuable contributions of both women and men. I wholeheartedly endorse the principles of gender equity and equality, and I encourage all men to actively advocate for maximizing women's contributions in all spheres of life. It is through mutual love and respect that healthy homes and society rely on for growth.
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